Pushing 40: Mary Anne Spier
by mylael
Summary: When Mary Anne (now an adult) learns that Logan & Stacey are expecting twins, she's devastated. She begins to realize that she still loves Logan - but it may just be too late.
1. Chapter 1

Pushing 40: Mary Anne Spier

Author's Note: The Baby-Sitters Club and all its characters belong to Ann M. Martin and Scholastic. I'm merely borrowing them.

CHAPTER 1

I cried for four hours last night. Four. Between the late late show and the early early show I was a mess of tears, tissues and honey-bacon potato chips. Mostly the crumbs. Because that's what I felt like. A crumb.

Maybe I'd better back up and tell you who I am. My name is Mary Anne Spier. I have brown hair and brown eyes, and I'm all of five foot two. I live in Stoneybrook, Connecticut, in a little yellow house with my best friend, Kristy Thomas, and her teenage son, Jeremy. Kristy and I have known each other since we were toddlers; we grew up next door to each other, until her mom married a millionaire and her family moved across town. Even then, we were still good friends, and we were both members of a successful business, The Baby-Sitters Club. (More on that later.)

I never expected to be single and living with my best girl friend at the age of 38, but then, I didn't expect a lot of things that have come my way in life. Just like Kristy didn't expect to be pregnant at 21. Can you believe she was the first of all my friends to have children? Not that Kristy shouldn't have had children; she's a great mom, and she's raised Jeremy without the help of Jeremy's father. It's just that Kristy was - and still is - the most tomboyish of all my friends. Kristy, pregnant? But it happened. Life is funny that way.

Life has been funny to a lot of my friends. Take Jessi for example. She thought she'd be a famous, or at least a professional, ballerina, but she was sidelined by a broken pelvis at the age of twelve, and now she's a legal aide. Talk about changing your life goals. The good news is that Jessi is married to a really nice guy named Andrew Finley, and they have two adorable kids, Bryton and Max. (Max is a girl.)

Or take Jessi's best friend from back in the day, Mallory Pike. Mal wanted to be an author or an illustrator, and was always lamenting about her looks (glasses, braces, frizzy hair). That was when she was eleven. But by the time she hit eighteen she was super pretty. She became a flight attendant and has gotten to travel all over the world. She's not married, but she's been dating a pilot named Mike for about five years.

Life has been less kind to Claudia Kishi, formerly known as Claudia Kishi Cranwell, then Claudia Kishi Forrester. Claudia has a ten-year-old daughter named Artalia, and the two of them do not get along, so Artalia lives with her father in Texas. Claudia was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes (not like the kind Stacey McJerk has, but more on her later) a few years ago, due to her overwhelming love of sugary snacks. She's been in and out of hospitals, and unlike Stacey, Claud just won't follow the diet her doctor has ordered. Claudia still takes her art pretty seriously. One of her paintings she did after her second divorce, "Deadly Black Bear On A Deadly Dark Night," won some big prize last year. Currently, she lives with her parents.

Who am I forgetting? Oh, of course - how could I forget Dawn Schafer, my stepsister? I actually haven't seen Dawn in a few years; she lives in California with her husband Kent and their three kids: Joston, 9, Greer, 7, and Delilah, 5. I went out to California to visit the family not long after Greer was born. Deep in my heart, I love Dawn - but she has changed. She runs her own business and, I don't know, we're so different now. It's hard.

Okay, so I'm sort of going down the old Baby-Sitters Club Member roster, here, and I know I'm leaving a few people off. Let's see... Shannon Kilbourne - no one's heard from her in ages; last we heard she moved to France. Abby Stevenson is a teacher in upstate New York, and Kristy is friends with her on Face Book - she's married and doing fine.

Who else? Oh yes, of course. Let us not forget the two people I haven't mentioned yet, the two that are actually the reason I spent four hours crying last night:

Logan Bruno and Stacey McGill.

Who are, apparently, having twins.


	2. Chapter 2

Pushing 40: Mary Anne Spier

CHAPTER TWO

Back when we were in eighth grade, my friends and I wound up hanging out in a creepy graveyard on Halloween Night. We'd been summoned there via a sinister note from, it turned out, Cokie Mason, a girl from school. Her friend, Grace Blume, liked Logan, who was MY boyfriend, and those girls wanted to embarrass me - and the other members of the Baby-Sitters Club - in front of Logan, so that he would, I guess, stop liking me and fall into Grace's arms.

Only their plan backfired and MY friends ended up scaring the pants of Cokie and Grace and THEIR friends. Logan, it turned out, was there to witness it.

In true dumb-criminal fashion, Cokie and Grace then proceeded to admit why they'd done what they'd done. Grace pouted that Logan only hung out with the BSC, and didn't give other girls a chance. Logan said something then that I've thought about often throughout the years, though I didn't give it much thought at the time. He said: "I like Mary Anne right now."

"Right now." As in - "this is temporary."

Logan "liked Mary Anne right now" throughout our eighth grade year, even when we split for a while (because he was starting to get possessive and wouldn't give me space.) He liked me throughout ninth grade. But by tenth grade, he was suddenly, "Why don't you ever want to be spontaneous and take chances, Mary Anne?" and "Why do you like staying home and reading all the time? Why won't you come to more of my games?" He stopped liking me for ME. He stopped like Mary Anne Spier, who's quiet (usually) and sensitive (typically) and enjoys a good book (so sue me).

Then came the whole "let's just be friends" talk. By then, the BSC had disbanded and so we didn't even have baby-sitting in common anymore. It seemed hopeless. Do people EVER stay friends after they've dated? I mean, is that just a myth? Logan and I both dated other people. I went out with Rick Chow and Pete Black. Logan dated - oh, I don't even want to know how many girls he dated. After graduation, he went to one college, and I went to another. We tried to keep in touch, through letters. (Email was still in its infancy at the time.) But the letters' frequency began to diminish. By the time we graduated college, our correspondence had dwindled to basically Christmas cards.

College was - interesting. I made a few friends, dated a couple of guys, and got my degree in communications, with a minor in French. Me, shy little Mary Anne Spier, with a degree in communications? Totally laughable, even to me now. Guess what I did with my new skills and advanced knowledge? I became a nanny. In the last sixteen years, I've nannied for five families. I've even gotten to travel to China. Now, I'm sort of settled here in Stoneybrook; life with Kristy and Jeremy isn't always perfect, but we're doing all right. And I love my current nannying charge, a two-year-old girl named Sofia (who, incidentally, is the daughter of one of my old baby-sitting charges, Hannie Papadakis!)

Still, I do get lonely. And though my friends have, through the years, tried to set me up with various guys, I've never found "the one." In fact, every time I've come home after a lousy blind date or gotten one of those "it's not you, it's me" phone calls or texts, my mind has wandered back to eighth grade, to Logan, with thoughts like "what if..." and "maybe, deep down, he's still interested."

About ten years ago, I heard through the grapevine that Logan was engaged. I cried when I first heard, but you know what? The next thing I heard was that his fiancee had broken off the engagement. Logan was still single! I thought this was surely going to be fate's way of bringing Logan back to me. But I was too shy, too scared to contact him. I decided if it was meant to be, HE'D find ME. I had this... dream, I guess. Hope. Fantasy. Of Logan and me someday getting together, and me becoming Mary Anne Bruno.

Last night, that fantasy got blown to smithereens.

My phone buzzed about 10:15pm, while I was immersed in Jane Austen's Mansfield Park.

It was a text, from Claudia:

Claud: hay u here bout stacey?

(I know nobody spells correctly when texting, but Claudia seems to always take things to a lower level than should be humanly possible.)

Me: Whats wrong?

Claud: she pg

Me: Shes what?

Claud: pregnit. wth twns.

(Towns? Oh... wait... TWINS.)

Me: Omg I dont believe it!

Claud: ya but mary ane

Me: What?

Claud: i don no how 2 tel u ths but u shud kno hwo the fthr is

(Since the last I heard, Stacey was dating somebody named Colin, I had assumed that's who the father WOULD be.)

Me: Who?

Claud: its logging

Claud: dam ato crrect srry i mean logan. logan bronu

Me: Very funny claud

Claud: its tru. i sware on a stack of malomars. im sorry maryan,

And THAT'S when I started hyperventilating. And squeaking like a small, wounded animal. And then outright bawling.

Kristy heard me yowling and burst into the room. "Mary Anne, are you okay?" She's used to me crying, but not like THAT. I could only point to my phone, which I'd dropped onto the floor. Kristy snatched it up and began reading the texts from Claudia. Her eyes got wider and wider. "Oh my god," she cried. "This is insane! I don't believe it! Did she just send these? I'm calling her."

So Kristy called Claudia, and they talked for ten minutes. When it was all over, I was still crying, but slightly less loudly. Kristy began pacing as she explained to me: "Claud says Stacey and Logan just happened to run into each other when he was in New York for his job, and she was there visiting her dad. And they hooked up. I don't know if that's the whole story, but that's the story Stacey's sticking to. Oh, god, I'm SO sorry, Mary Anne. I know he was once YOUR boyfriend..."

"How could she do this? STACEY, of all people. I trusted her!"

"I know... she totally broke the friend code. You never date friends' exes without their blessing. But Mary Anne, you and Logan... I mean, that WAS over twenty years ago..."

"I don't care!" I snapped. "I hate her! I hate them both! It's so unfair! I mean, she's already BEEN married. She's already had her chance at happiness. Me, I'm thirty-eight and still single. The only guy I've ever really, REALLY cared about, was Logan. I don't care if it WAS ages ago that we dated. To me, it still feels like yesterday. And I will NEVER forgive Stacey for this. Never."

And I meant it.


	3. Chapter 3

Pushing 40: Mary Anne Spier

CHAPTER THREE

"I now call this emergency meeting of the Baby-Sitters Club to order," Kristy declared, adjusting the pencil she'd placed behind her ear.

"Ah," sighed Claudia. "Just like old times. Well, sort of."

I knew what she meant. It WAS sort of like old times - we were sitting around Claudia's bedroom, ready to discuss important business. Kristy was wearing a visor and was looking official. The rest of us were watching her with interest.

But that was about the only thing that was the same, now. For one thing, only four of us were there: me, Kristy, Claudia, and Jessi. Kristy was sitting in a chair. The rest of us were on Claud's bed.

Claudia's room had changed, too. It used to be packed full of art supplies and junk food, and the room used to look distinctly "Claudia," with wild, colorful decor. But when Claudia moved out after high school, her parents had done some redecorating. Pastels got involved. Now that she'd moved back in, Claud hasn't done much to make the room "hers" again. It's still messy, though. The telephone we'd once used to take in Baby-Sitters Club calls was long gone, too. We all had cell phones, and anyway, like I've said, the BSC is long gone.

What was the Baby-Sitters Club? Well, it all started one day in seventh grade, when Kristy's mom had trouble finding a sitter for Kristy's little brother. Kristy suddenly thought - wouldn't it be great if there was ONE phone number that parents could call and reach a bunch of sitters at once? And so Kristy shared her great idea with me, then with Claudia. Claudia had just met Stacey, and wanted to ask her to join, too. We advertised, and soon, our business was thriving - so much so that we ended up asking other people to join (Dawn, Mal, Jessi, Abby, etc.) We got a lot of jobs and met a lot of great people.

But years had gone by, the BSC was a thing of the past, and so much had happened. Even looking at the four of us, you might not recognize us as the girls who once sat in this room, taking job calls and giggling about boys.

Kristy still dresses like a tomboy, with jeans, jerseys, hoodies, sneakers, and her hair in a perpetual ponytail. The main difference, now, is that there are gray hairs mixed in with the brown ones. Kristy's not one to start dying her hair, though. She really couldn't care less about her looks.

Claudia used to be a really wild dresser, but she has mellowed. For example, back in middle school she might be sitting here wearing an oversized purple sweater with yellow smiley faces on it, over yellow-and-black-striped leggings, with black sneakers that had silver buckles on them, and in her hair she might be wearing three headbands, and in her pierced ears she might have rabbit's foot earrings. Today, though, she was merely wearing a long peasant blouse over blue jeans, and black boots. Her jet-black hair was swept to one side and clipped with a barrett that looked like a penguin. Trust me, that's tame for Claudia.

Jessi, when she used to be an 11-year-old dancer, often came to BSC meetings right after her dance classes, and might be seen wearing jeans over one of her leotards. Now that she's a businesswoman and a mom, she dresses much classier. Some time ago, she got her hair cut super short (almost like a boy), but she looks beautiful no matter what.

And then there's me. Have I changed? Good question. Before the BSC started, my dad was really strict with me and made me wear skirts and blouses and little girl clothes. After he began to loosen up (and I began to assert myself) he started letting me wear things normal kids were wearing (which at the time meant, like, gigantic pink sweaters and jeans with zippers on the sides. Oh, we thought we were so cool.)

I tried to keep up with the fashion trends at first - but then, sometime during high school, I gave up. I now dress pretty casually... like Kristy, but slightly more preppy.

"You all know why we're here," said Kristy, tapping her fingers on her knee.

"Not really," said Jessi. "I mean, I do appreciate the irony, though - I had a get a sitter for my kids just so I could come to this meeting! But you said it was an emergency, so..."

"Well, I think it is," said Kristy, "because it affects two of our former club members - Stacey and Mary Anne - and one of our former alternate officers."

"How does it affect Mary Anne?" Jessi asked. "No offense, Mary Anne..."

"She still cares about Logan," Kristy explained, as I began to cry.

"There, there," said Claudia, patting me on the back.

"Why didn't I ever tell him I still cared about him?" I wailed.

Jessi cleared her throat. "Um, Mary Anne... I'm really sorry about your, um, feelings for Logan. And I know this news was a shock. I mean, none of us knew Stacey and Logan had even SEEN each other, much less gotten together. But personally, I'm actually happy for Stacey... and worried, too."

"She thought she might never have kids, because of her Diabetes," Claudia said thoughtfully. "And now to have two..."

"Well, and that's just it," Jessi said. "Like, I've heard women with her type of Diabetes can have more difficult pregnancies, with more risk of complications. And women who have twins often have more complications than women who have singles. She's got a lot going against her, and honestly? I think we need to focus on Stacey, now. We're her friends. Why isn't she here at this meeting?"

"We didn't invite her," said Kristy, looking down at her hands.

Jessi shook her head. "You guys... MARY ANNE, would you PLEASE tone it down a decibel?"

I buried my face in one of Claudia's pillows and tried to tame my emotions.

"If you guys are going to start shunning Stacey just because of who the babies' father is," said Jessi, "then I want no part of it."

"I would never shun Stacey!" Claud cried. "She's been one of my best friends since-"

"The purpose of this meeting," Kristy said loudly, interrupting Claudia. "Was to discuss the issue. We're not saying we're going to shun anybody. We're just talking, that's all."

We were all silent for a few minutes. Then Claudia said, "You know what? I'm going to ask Stacey how we can help her."

"How far along is she, anyway?" asked Kristy.

"Four months."

"Wow."

"Yeah... I was over at her place last night. She's very emotional, and I know she's scared about this whole thing. She might have to raise the babies by herself. Maybe her dad can help her. I wish her mom was still alive."

"Is Logan planning to help her?" asked Kristy.

"Logan and her aren't really an item. I mean, it was kind of a one-night deal... well, more like a weekend deal. She's not in love with him or anything. I doubt she'd want him to move in. But she's going to need help."

"Well, she's got the best people in town to help her," said Kristy. "You, me, and Jessi are all moms, and Mary Anne's a great nanny. Plus, anyone who was once part of the Baby-Sitters Club has got their credentials in order."

I finally unburied my face from Claudia's pillow and looked at my friends.

"Mary Anne?" questioned Kristy.

"I guess I'll help Stacey, too," I said, sighing. "But I'm never speaking to Logan, ever again!"


	4. Chapter 4

Pushing 40: Mary Anne Spier

CHAPTER FOUR

I know what I said, and I MEANT what I said, but I didn't count on running into Logan three days later.

I was nannying for Sofia, and we were on our way to Story Hour at the library. Which is to say we were ten minutes late for said Story Hour, because Sofia has short, fat little legs, and can't walk very fast, and because she'd rather stop every three feet and look at dandelions than be there on time to hear _The Little Engine That Could_.

So we were making our way along the sidewalk when all of a sudden I heard my name: "Mary Anne!" And my heart skipped a beat because I knew that voice. Sure, it was deeper than I remembered. Gravelier. But it was unmistakably Logan, with his adorable Louisville accent.

And I desperately wanted to hide. Or let the sidewalk swallow me whole.

"Mary Anne," he said again, "how are you?" I suppose he was waiting for me to formulate a response. I was trying, honest. But I was also blushing about eight shades of pink.

"I'm good," I said quietly.

"Wadybuh!" exclaimed Sofia.

"Who's this?" asked Logan, smiling down at Sofia.

"I'm a- she's my- I'm nannying for- yeah," I said. Annnd I sounded like an idiot.

"You're a nanny! Nice. Going for a walk, huh?"

"Yeah, we're walking to the-" (Wait a second, don't TELL him where you're going! He might try to come with you!) "library."

"Ah. Well, I'm actually just out on a walk myself. I'm visiting my parents, and you know how that can be... I need a little space," he grinned, then immediately blanched. "Uh, I... er... YOUR father is... how is he? Is he-"

"My dad's fine," I said, looking at the ground. "He's retired. He and Sharon actually moved into HER parents' old house... her parents passed away... and it's a nice place."

"That's great. I mean, that they're happy."

"Yeah."

"Well, I won't keep you. But- uh, Mary Anne?"

I knew what he was about to ask. I knew before he even said it. Sometimes, back when we used to date, I felt like we were psychically connected, Logan and I. That feeling was still present. "Yes?" I said, steeling myself for his words.

"You've heard, haven't you? About Stacey?"

"Yes," I said, and suddenly I just felt like being mean. "I hear you two are starting your own little family. It's so sweet. I'm happy for you both."

"Oh, um, well..." Logan stammered.

"Stacey's one of my best friends," I said. "I know she'll make a great mom. I also know that if you treat her badly, every single member of the BSC will dedicate themselves to making YOUR life miserable."

Logan stared at me. For a minute, he couldn't speak. Then he said, quietly, "Boy, Mary Anne... you sure have changed."

"Middy Anne!" Sofia was tugging at my sleeves.

I scooped up my nannying charge and held her close. "We have to go," I said pointedly to Logan.

He nodded. "Goodbye, Mary Anne." Then he turned away.

All of a sudden, an eerie feeling washed over me. I'm not sure where it came from, but it gave me instant goosebumps and made my stomach tie in a knot.

I suddenly had the very real feeling that I would never, ever see Logan again.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

"Oh my LORD, this is ADORABLE!"

"Claudia, you've said that ten times already."

"Well, I can't help it! Ohhh look at thiiisss! Stacey, we _have_ to get you one of these. Oh, no, I mean TWO of them! Oh, this store makes me want to have another baby so bad!"

"Not me," said Kristy, looking reproachfully at the pink fluffy baby dresses.

We were at Baby Barn at the mall - me, Kristy, Stacey, and Claudia. Stacey looked tired. Kristy looked disgusted. I was trying to be cheerful, but I was struggling. And Claudia - well, she looked like a kid in a candy store.

"I don't even know the sex of the babies yet," Stacey reminded Claud. "I'm fine with buying onesies and blankets and unisex stuff, but I don't think I should buy any dresses." She sighed.

"Are you feeling okay?" I asked. "Do you need to sit down?"

"No, I'm fine," said Stacey.

"Are you sure? Because we could get you one of those little electric scooters. I saw them when we came in."

"Mary Anne... I'm fine!"

"_I'd_ like a scooter," said Kristy.

"Kristy!" I said.

"What? I've always wanted to ride on one of those things. I wonder how fast they go?"

"Oh my lord, look at these overalls!" Claudia screeched.

I was glad that Claudia, at least, was enjoying herself. I would have preferred to be elsewhere. Anywhere else. This was entirely too awkward. Even though I'd told my friends I'd help Stacey - and I meant it - that still didn't change the fact that I was currently helping to buy supplies and clothing for my ex-boyfriend's forthcoming infants.

I was just about to suggest that Stacey just do her shopping online when my phone buzzed. I fished it out my pocket and glanced at the screen. The caller ID didn't show a name, and I didn't recognize the number, so I let the call go to voicemail.

"If you have girls, are you going to get their ears pierced?" Claudia was asking Stacey.

"Oh, I don't know," said Stacey. "That'd be cute, I guess, but..."

"Yeah, but what if they grow up to resent you for it?" said Kristy.

My phone buzzed again. I had a voicemail. I put the phone to my ear.

Nothing. No sound. Just... someone breathing. In and out, in and out. Then the perky robot-lady: 'End of messages. To return message sender's call, press three. To delete, press seven. To-'

What on earth was THAT about?

"When_ are_ you going to find out the sex of the babies?" Claudia was saying. She was looking wistfully at a miniature sailor suit outfit, complete with tiny hat.

"Well, I'm having another ultrasound next week, and she's going to try and see if she can tell, but sometimes they can't tell. So it could be next week, it could be next _month_..."

"Ugh, I wish I knew NOW!"

"Patience, dear Claudia..."

"Hey Stacey," I said suddenly. "Could I borrow your phone for a sec?"

"You can borrow mine," said Kristy.

"Oh, it's fine, sure," said Stacey, handing me her rhinestone-sparkly phone, and looking disdainfully at Kristy's. "Kristy, how old IS that thing?"

"It's a classic!" Kristy said defensively, hugging her ancient Nokia to her chest.. "And it still works! Anyway, Mary Anne, what's wrong with _your_ phone?"

Kristy and her big mouth. "Low battery," I said, accepting Stacey's phone and stepping a few feet away from the group. I unlocked Stacey's phone (it didn't need a code) and acted like I was casually looking up something on the internet. But I was actually looking through her address book. First I looked for Logan's name - but I didn't find it. Then I looked at her lists of incoming and outgoing calls. And that's when I saw it - the same "mysterious" number that had called me a few minutes ago.

That breathing had sounded all too familiar. I knew, I just knew - it had to have been Logan.

But why? Why was he calling me? If it had been important, he would have left an actual message on the voicemail. And how did he get my number? But more importantly, was he still in love with me, and did he want to get back together? And did he want to tell me those things but when he got my voicemail he chickened out?

Sighing, I made my way back to my friends. "Thanks," I said to Stacey, giving her the phone. "So what's the verdict?" I asked the group.

"The verdict is," said Stacey. "That I'm just going to let Claudia choose all the clothes for the babies, and I am going to head to the food court and get a diet soda!"

"Count me in!" said Kristy

"But... but we haven't bought anything!" said Claudia, looking horrorstruck.

"The babies aren't due for five long months," I reminded Claud.

"Okay, you win. Hey, wait up, guys!"

Claudia chased after Stacey and Kristy. I lagged behind. My mind was racing.

Logan had called me. He'd left me a voicemail. He must have had a reason for doing it. But what?

I knew I wasn't going to rest easy until I knew.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

I still don't know why Logan called me that day. Why? Because I, Mary Anne Spier, am a humongous scaredy cat who can't even make a simple phone call, not even when I have raging questions flying around my brain... not even when my very happiness is at stake. Nope. No matter how many times I took out my phone and imagined I was dialing Logan's number over the next few weeks, I couldn't seem to make my fingers actually go through the motions.

(Oh, by the way, I knew for sure now that it was indeed Logan who'd called me. When I got home from shopping with Stacey, Kristy, and Claudia that day, I did a little detective work. Which is to say I Googled the mysterious phone number, and voila... Logan Bruno's name popped right up. I really don't know how my friends and I ever solved so many mysteries back in the days before they invented the internet, honestly.)

And I heard through the grapevine that Logan was no longer visiting his parents here in Stoneybrook, that he had gone back home to Boston.

Good. Out of sight, out of mind...

Except not really out of mind because aughhhhh I'm still in love with him!

I feel so alone. I can't talk about this with anyone... not anyone who'd actually understand, I mean. I tried talking to Kristy, but she basically told me I was crazy... told me to get over Logan, told me I didn't need a man anyway, and for pete's sake, would I please stop wallowing?

Jessi thinks I'm crazy, too. Claudia says Jessi told her that I need to remember that I've had a million chances over the years to reconnect with Logan if I really wanted to, and it was a bit strange of me to wait until he'd already put down roots (you know, got Stacey pregnant) to start declaring my passion for him. But I forgive Jessi. She's two years younger than I am, so what does she know?

Claudia is sympathetic toward my plight (she knows a thing or two about losing a guy) but she's also fiercely loyal to Stacey. So I can't talk to her about this, either.

Which is why I decided to call Dawn. Actually, I decided to Skype with her. We'd done this a few times, and it had been a long while since our last chat. I texted her to arrange a time, and she agreed.

This is how our conversation went:

Me: Dawn?

Dawn: Mary Anne? Can you hear me?

Me: I can hear you, but I can't see you. Can you see me?

Dawn: Hang on, one sec... oh yep, heyyyy!

Me: Eeee! You look great!

Dawn: (Laughing) I just got my roots done... can you tell?

Me: Your hair always looks great!

Dawn: Well, it didn't this morning! I like your blouse, that's cute!

Me: Thanks!

Dawn: How've you been? Oh hang on, Greer's here; she wants to say 'hi'?

Me: Aww! Hi Greer!

Greer, Dawn's 7-Year-Old Daughter: Hi...

Dawn: Greer, do you remember when Aunt Mary Anne came to visit you when you were little?

Greer: No.

Me: Do you remember last time we Skyped and you read _The Cat In The Hat _to me out loud?

Greer: I can read chapter books now.

Me: Wow! You're really growing up!

Greer: I know.

Dawn: Honey, say 'bye' to Aunt Mary Anne, okay? Go play with your sister for a little bit while mommy talks.

Greer: Okay... bye!

Me: Bye, sweetie!

Dawn: So what's up?

Me: Ugh, everything!

Dawn: I heard about Stacey.

Me: You did?

Dawn: Yeah, Claudia told me.

Me: So... you heard who the father is?

Dawn: Yes... ugh, you look like you're about to cry! Don't cry!

Me: I can't help it! That's basically all I've BEEN doing since I got the news!

Dawn: Is it because of Logan?

Me: Yes.

Dawn: Do you think he and Stacey are going to get married, or what?

Me: Augh! No! I hope not! I mean, no! They're just... no!

Dawn: Is Logan with somebody else?

Me: Not that I know of...

Dawn: So what's the problem? If you're still in love with him...

Me: How... do you know... that?

Dawn: Well, for one thing, you're blushing. And because I know YOU, Mary Anne.

Me: So what do I DO?

Dawn: I think... you just have to decide if Logan is worth it. If he's worth the risk... and... if you think

your heart is up to it, and...

Me: That's the problem. Every time I think about even CALLING him, my heart starts going POW POW POW, like it's going to fly right out of my chest.

Dawn: That's... never actually happened to anybody in the history of ever.

Me: Well, then I'd be the first!

Dawn: Silly.

Me: I know. But I can't help it. Ugh, I miss you! I wish you were here so we could talk all the time. It's been eons since you visited!

Dawn: I'd love to come, but you know, with my job... I have to be here to fill orders and with Delilah getting ready to start school... yeah, traveling's just not in the cards. Buuut... YOU could come HERE! Oh, you totally should!

Me: Is... that an invitation?

Dawn: Oh, come, come! We'd love to have you. You can have Delilah's room; we'll put her with Greer for a few days! Oh, please come!

Me: When?

Dawn: Whenever! How soon can you get here?

Me: Um, well... I'd have to check... but I think the girl I nanny for's family has a vacation coming up...

Dawn: That's perfect!

And that's how I ended up on a plane to California.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

When I was a teenager, my friends and I did a _lot_ of traveling. We went to Hawaii, the Bahamas, California, and I can't even remember where else. We didn't always have to fly to our destination, but when we did, I would always sit next to Kristy or Claudia or one of my other friends, and I could rest assured that even if I was ten bazillion miles in the air, worrying about the plane losing altitude rapidly and causing my demise, at least I was sitting next to someone I cared about. Even the time I got to go to China as an adult, I was with the family of the children was nannying for. I was WITH someone. And I was like, well, if I'm going to die, at least I won't die alone. Now, I was flying to California to visit Dawn... totally solo. And I was a wreck.

"Mary Anne, are you SURE you really want to do this?" Kristy asked me earlier, as she watched me play with, but not really eat, my breakfast.

"Of course I do," I said. "I want to see Dawn."

"I know you want to see Dawn... but your face... you look pale. Paler than usual."

"Are you okay, Aunt M?" asked Jeremy, as he slid into his chair at the table and began piling toast, eggs, and muffins on his plate.

"I'm fine," I said, trying my best to smile at Jeremy.

Jeremy looks a lot like Kristy, with one exception - he's tall. He passed Kristy in height when he was eleven, and now he stands at six-foot-something. Personality-wise, though, I think he must take after his bio-dad. Whereas Kristy is a leader and a loudmouth (sorry, but it's true) Jeremy is sensitive, reserved, and prefers to let others take the lead.

"You don't look fine," said Kristy.

"Well, okay, maybe traveling does make me a little nervous," I admitted. "But once I land in California, I'm sure I'll be totally okay."

"I wish I could go, too," Jeremy said wistfully. "I haven't been to California since I was... how old was I, Mom?"

"Eight," replied Kristy. "It was the summer right before Grandpa Watson died."

"I miss Grandpa Watson sometimes," Jeremy said, reaching for his orange juice.

"So do I, sometimes," replied Kristy.

It's weird to think how many people in my friends' lives have passed away in the last decade. Watson, Kristy's stepfather. Then Dawn's grandparents, The Porters, within a year of one another. (Granted, they were pretty old.) One of the biggest surprises was Mrs. McGill, Stacey's mom. She passed away two years go, of a rare type of cancer that she didn't even know she had until it was pretty much too late to do anything about it. Jessi's dad had a scare with cancer himself, but he's in remission now. My dad, Dawn's mom and dad, Kristy's mom, Mallory's parents, and Claudia's parents are all fine, as far as I know.

A few hours later, we were on our way to the airport. Kristy was driving, since I was a nervous wreck. She was still asking me roughly every ten minutes if I still wanted to go through with this whole Fly-To-California-To-Visit-Dawn thing.

"If I didn't know better," I said, "I'd say you're going to miss me."

"Well, duh," she said. "But honestly, Mary Anne, you look like you're about to faint."

But I didn't faint. Not during the stupid security checkpoints where you have to take off your coat and your purse and your shoes (we didn't have to do THAT as teenagers!), or while waiting to board, OR while being smushed into the tiny window seat next to the large guy who smelled like bacon.

During takeoff, however, I _may_ have lost consciousness. Briefly. I hear holding your breath for extended periods can cause that.

Once we were in the air, though, I felt better - but only a bit. Bacon Guy, who had the middle seat, was large. Not fat, exactly, but big. Maybe he used to be a football player. Logan played football for a while, back in middle school. He ran track, too. I remember watching him fly around track, looking like...

Oh for heaven's sakes, STOP THINKING ABOUT LOGAN!

"Peanuts? Pretzels?"

A flight attendant was leaning over Bacon Guy, dangling two tiny bags in front of me.

"Pretzels," I managed to say. She dropped one bag in my lap and moved on.

She didn't give anything to Bacon Guy. I was expecting him to protest, when I heard different kind of sound emerge from his lips - a snore. "Hhhkooookukukukghhhh."

Gross. Just gross.

On the other side of Bacon Guy was a little kid who I think belonged to the family across the aisle. He was fully absorbed in his iPad.

Which reminded me, I had my phone with me. I quickly pulled it out of my purse and turned it on.

There was limited wifi on board. I guess that's better than no wifi, but it still meant I could only access Facebook. Oh well, I could still send messages, at least!

Message to Dawn:

Me: Hey! I'm on the first plane! In the air! See you tonight!

A few minutes later, her response: I CAN'T WAIT! :D :D :D

Me: :-)

Dawn: How's the flight so far? Any turbulence?

Me: Not unless you count the big guy next to me who's SNORING!

Dawn: Ugh!

Me: And he smells like bacon.

Dawn: Nasty!

Me: Sorry, I forgot you hate meat. I think I may go vegan after this.

Dawn: It's a good life.

Me: Ewwww he's trying to lean on me! Get me off this plane!

Three hours later, I WAS off the plane - in Dallas, on a layover - and still miserable. My flight from Dallas to SoCal had been delayed. I texted to Dawn to let her know what was up. She assured me she'd meet me at the airport no matter what time I landed.

By the time I did get to California, it was 8:45pm Pacific Time (11:45 Connecticut Time!) and I was Mary Anne Spier, Total Zombie. I stumbled down the walkway toward the terminal, then trudged toward the security gate, where Dawn was waiting on the other side. We hugged. Then we went to get my luggage.

"How was this flight?" Dawn asked me, as we waited for my suitcase to wind its way toward us.

"Screaming baby," I said simply.

"Aw, but you like babies!"

"Not screaming ones on airplanes!"

"Did you offer to hold the baby so the mom could take a break?" Dawn asked teasingly.

"No! I might have gotten away with that when I was 13, but if I did that now, I'd probably be arrested."

"Yeah, that kind of gesture only goes over well if you're a teenage girl or a kindly-looking old grandmother."

Just then, I spotted my suitcase - black with a candy cane-striped ribbon tied to the handle - come around the bend. "That's it," I told Dawn, and she helped me get it off the beltway thing.

Driving to Dawn's House, Dawn filled me in on all the things that were different, now, from the last time I visited (nearly 7 years ago!) "Kent installed solar panels on the roof, which really helps with the energy costs, and, of course, is really good for the environment," she told me. "And I can't wait to show you my garden! Well, there's not too much to it at this time of year - it's still a little early to plant my vegetables - but Kent built me a little gazebo out there, and it's so cute! Oh, and we just re-did the girls' bedroom, although - I don't think you ever saw the way it was, before. The girls wanted - oh, I won't spoil it, you'll just have to see it..."

Dawn talked nearly the whole drive, which was fine, because I was so tired, and besides, I was happy to see her and hear her. It had been so long since we'd been together.

"The kids are supposed to all be in bed," Dawn said, as she pushed the button on the garage opener. "But... yep, that's what I figured!" As we pulled into the garage, we could see two little girls clad in princess pajamas, standing in the doorway that lead into the house from the garage. Greer, who's seven, was waving, and Delilah, 5, was jumping up and down.

Dawn parked the car and offered to carry my suitcase inside. The little girls ran over to hug me. I exclaimed over Greer's height and Delilah's very existence (I'd never actually met her in person before!) Then we all went inside.

Dawn's garage leads right into a big rec room, which is where Dawn operates her home business (more on that later.) There's also a small bathroom, a laundry room, and a flight of stairs leading to the main floor. The girls sped ahead of me and Dawn, leading the way up.

The stairs take you straight up into the kitchen, which in the daytime is bright and airy, but currently felt a little gloomy. There are three doors off the kitchen - a sliding door leading to the backyard, one leading to a hallway, and the other leading to a dining room. From the dining room you can get to the living room, where there's another staircase going up to the top floor. You can also go down a hallway that leads to two bedrooms and a bathroom and to another hallway and - back to the kitchen! One big circle.

Dawn's husband, Kent, and their 9-year-old son, Joston, were sitting at the dining room table. They were playing checkers, but they paused the game when I arrived.

"Hi Aunt Mary Anne," said Joston politely.

Kent nodded his head in greeting. I like Kent. He doesn't say much, but I don't have a problem with that. He and I are a lot alike. Big readers. Sensitive. Sometimes I wonder if Dawn fell for Kent because he reminded her of me. Or is that weird?

"Why aren't all of you in bed?" laughed Dawn, poking Kent playfully.

"We couldn't sleep!" exclaimed Greer. "We couldn't wait for Mary Anne to come! Mommy, can we show Mary Anne our room?"

"Shouldn't we be showing her _her_ room?" said Dawn.

"Okay, we can, but then can we show her _our _room?"

"Sure. That is, if Mary Anne would like to."

Down the hallway we went, where there were two small bedrooms. One was Joston's. The other looked like a library, but there was a pull-out couch there, and it had been made up, at least. It looked relatively comfortable.

"You're right next to the bathroom, and we've had people say this bed is _really_ nice," said Dawn.

"I'm sure it'll be fine," I said, as Greer grabbed my hand and practically dragged me out of that room.

Upstairs, there were two bedrooms and one bathroom. Dawn and Kent had one room, and the girls had the other.

"Oh my lord," I whispered, as Delilah flung open the girls' bedroom door and snapped on the light. I felt my body temperature drop about 10 degrees. The room was totally decked out in white, light blue, and silver sparkly things. Bedspreads, pillows, curtains. Snowflake ornaments hung from the ceiling. And on each of the girls' beds were stuffed Annas and Elsas and Olafs.

A Frozen winterscape.

"Isn't it be-yoo-tiful?" Greer asked, as she made a flying leap onto one of the beds.

"Are you sure you stay warm enough in here?" I asked.

"Oh yes," said Greer. "Anyways, it's not _real _ice. It just looks that way."

I forced a smile. "Very clever. Who designed this?"

"We did," said Greer. "Buuut Mommy helped."

"I got some of the ideas from Pinterest," Dawn admitted. "But a few of the little touches were mine. Hey, are you hungry? I knew you wouldn't get here in time for dinner, so I the girls and I made some snacks."

We went back downstairs and sat around the dining room table. I was absolutely famished, and I didn't even mind that Dawn offered me carrot and celery sticks, all-natural peanut butter, and gluten-free crackers. I ate like my life depended on it.

Besides, it may have only been ten o'clock-ish in California, now, but I was still on Connecticut time. To me, it was 1 in the morning, and I hadn't had anything to eat since Dallas.

I was also very, very tired. I think Dawn could tell, because as soon as I slowed down a bit on the food intake, she shooed the kids off to bed and then told me, "Why don't we _all _turn in? I'm sure you're tired. And I'm going to get up early to go to the gym."

"Okay," I agreed readily.

I went to "my" room and got ready for bed and then climbed between the sheets on the sofa bed. A ceiling fan spun overhead. I felt very comfortable and my eyelids were so heavy. I started to drift off...

Bzzzzz.

My phone! Who would be texting me at this hour? I mean, practically everyone I know lives in Connecticut, and they would likely be in bed.

I squinted at the screen. It was Kristy, with a text: "Hey! hope u landed safely. text me so i know ur ok. adieu."

I smiled and quickly responded: "safe and sound. going to sleep now. u should too lol"

Then I turned off my phone. I closed my eyes, thought about Logan, and fell into a deep sleep.


End file.
